‘The Onion’ Mocks Subway With ‘Horrified’ Report About Footlongs

Have you been eating footlong subs all on your own? STOP. You're not supposed to do that.

"The Onion" takes on the idea that anyone should eat "an entire 12 inches" of food by themselves in this video mocking the "Eat Fresh" chain Subway. With outraged spokespeople and some recut ads, the faux news clip from "America's Finest News Source" seeks to help the fast food company get the message out. Footlongs are to be shared, y'all.

Also, there's a reason Taco Bell is open until 1:00 a.m. or later, and it's not so you can eat.