Who decided that Valentine’s Day was torture for singles? Restaurants looking for a gimmick to draw in the lovelorn demographic, it seems. This Feb. 14, local restaurants are offering plenty of specials exhorting diners to shovel down halitosis-inducing food with all the bitterness of the recently abandoned. It’s all a bit black-and-white: eternal bliss and flutes of Champagne for the taken, mountains of garlic bread and organ meats for those sending caustic glances their direction. But hey, if you see Valentine’s Day as opportunity to get drunk and gorge on stinky grub, here are some options.
Bar Pilar
1833 14th St. NW
Alongside its regular menu, Bar Pilar is serving up “date-ender” dishes like smoked head cheese with pickled quail egg, chicken-fried chicken livers, and country ham-wrapped rabbit offal with beef fat whipped potatoes. The bar is offering a few resentfully named cocktails inspired by rock lyrics like the Rolling Stones-indebted “Dead Flowers to My Wedding” (rosepetal vodka, green tea, and soda).
Singles you’ll meet: Brine their own sweetbreads
The Fainting Goat
1330 U St. NW
“Fainting Goat” isn’t the most romantic name for a restaurant, so it’s fitting that they aren’t embracing the candlelight-and-chocolate crowd. Instead, the restaurant is serving a “broken heart brunch” from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. with dishes inspired by relationship-ending lines like “I Thought We Were In An Open Relationship” (eggs in a basket with jamon serrano and red eye gravy) and “We Were On A Break” (lobster, fontina, and leek quiche). The bottomless drinks you’ll need to forget about your former love are $15.
Singles you’ll meet: Shouldn’t be trusted
The Daily Dish
8301 Grubb Road, Silver Spring
Flying Dog’s Raging Bitch is perhaps the most appropriate beer out there for anti-Valentine’s Day. Naturally, the Daily Dish’s “Unhappy Hour” will offer it, alongside other drink deals, for $4 between 3:30 and 6:30 p.m. Dinner specials are titled in a similarly vitriolic tone. Our pick? Grab the “Love Stinks” (stinky cheeses with housemade jams, chutneys, pickles, and a baguette, $15) and sit at the bar, sinking shot after shot of Corralejo tequila ($6).
Singles you’ll meet: Carry tattered copies of The Bell Jar, are crying
Carmine’s
425 7th St. NW
The purveyor of vast quantities of Sicilian-grandma comfort food is offering two singles-focused packages. You’ll have to get at least six people together, so it’s for the popular people. The “Girls Gone Garlic” ($125) offers three salad options, six choices of pasta, Prosecco, and the restaurant’s signature “Titanic” dessert with five scoops of ice cream on a flourless chocolate torte. Prosecco and the dessert alone run $65 for those who want ice cream for dinner.
Singles you’ll meet: Will introduce you to mama after four dates
Illustration by Lauren Heneghan